Another Lifehacker article that proved to be surprisingly well-grounded in useful things to think about, is this one about the things we all wish we had learned about relationships before the one(s) we’re in fell apart.
Obviously, as a psychotherapist dealing with relationships, I’m always looking for ways to make repair attempts, but even I know that sometimes relationship will sink under the weight of failures-to-date, no matter how much bailing we do trying to save things (and I say that as a survivor of two failed marriages; I know, highly ironic for a marriage therapist, no? :). Sometimes all we can do is give our clients support and whatever tools might seem helpful in the moment to keep heads above water when the marriage falls apart. But if I could simply download this kind of information — some learned by reading, some by internal reflection and contemplation, most by hard and painfully-gained experience — to people on their way into relationships, maybe there would be a chance I’d see fewer of them coming into my office in the late or ending stages of relationship crisis.
(I’m particularly fond of how this article specifically addresses attachment styles, since Chapman’s “Five Love Languages” and attachment anxieties in relationship seem to be a big part of the work I do with many clients these days.)